Back to baby plates and utensils say its not so

One of the biggest things I have hard time with is that I tend to eat my food way to fast, which is sad because you are not really taking the time to enjoy the food that is going into your stomach. The other reason is I use the excuse that I am in a hurry or the people I am with eat fast so I need to eat fast. That is something I have to change immediately because along with portion control after surgery you also have to eat your meals slowly, they recommend taking around 20-30 minutes to eat a meal.

So one of the things suggested from some of my WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) friends was to purchase baby plates and utensils because they would help out with portion control and also eating my food slowly. After surgery we still have to be mindful that we have a small pouch now for a stomach and therefore we cannot eat like we use to be able to, but what we do eat now needs to high protein and quality foods. So using the toddler or baby size plates and bowls will help you in your portion control, it helps to trick your brain into thinking you are eating more food while still keeping  your portion sizes under control. 

The baby spoon and forks are used to help you slow down your eating process and also to eat smaller amounts at a time. Our pouch or new stomach is much smaller than before surgery so we have to eat slower and in smaller amounts with being mindful about chewing our food to a applesauce constancy before swallowing so that we do not have dumping syndrome. If you are embarrassed about having to use a toddler plates and utensils you can search the internet for portion control plates and bowls and you will there are a ton of items specifically for weight loss patients to help them in this area. As for me a cute toddler plate and bowl is fine with me, as long as it is hot pink.

30 Days of Motivation- Day #2

 

Each day I will post a motivational printable! These printable s are for you to print off and enjoy! Nothing motivates sometimes like a great motivational quote and each day I will post one of my favorites that personally speaks to me and that will hopefully speak to you! Please let me know in the comments section if you enjoyed the motivational printable and if you printed it off! Enjoy our 30 days archive and you can click here to view all 30 days!

My Process of Qualifying for Gastric Bypass

Over the past few months I have received several emails and messages wanting to know what all I had to go through to qualify for gastric bypass and how I chose my surgeon and office I would be going through. So in this blog post I wanted to share all the info and how I have gone through this process so you are informed, please remember I am not endorsing that gastric bypass or weight loss surgery in general is the only way to loose weight, but it is the right choice for me.

I will first state that I had originally begun this process almost a year and half ago by going through Des Peres Hosptial and I was pretty much given the run around due to my insurance. They did not want to explain to me the requirements that my insurance company had for approving the surgery and they did not really want to help me qualify, I waited around for months just waiting for someone to help me. After months and months I pretty much just gave up and got depressed that maybe weight loss surgery was not in my future. Then a old neighbor of mine suggested that I go with her a her husband to a seminar at a place called New Start on Lemay Ferry in St Louis, MO for an informative seminar on the different type of weight loss surgeries. To be honest with you I debated all day whether or not to go, as the last place disappointed me so bad, that I did not want to get my hopes up and then only find out that once again things would fall apart.

That night however we first met with a lady who explained to us that if we decided to have WLS or Weight Loss Surgery that we would all be assigned a personal advocate that would help us out through the whole process, and they would handle all of the insurance paperwork and requirements to make sure everything went smoothly. From that moment on I just felt a wave of excitement move through me and relief that someone else would do the hard work. Next we met with one of the surgeons and they show you a slideshow showing you three weight loss surgeries you can choose from, they go into great detail about how each surgery is performed, how it works and the success rates. During this process if you have any questions you can so you full understand all three processes and choose for yourself which suits your needs. After this point you get let them know if you are still interested and they take your information and let you know they will set you up with an appointment to meet with  the surgeon of your choice, and also your personal advocate and your dietician.

For your first appointment you should probably leave around two hours because you will be meeting with all three your advocate, your surgeon and also your dietician. During this meeting process it is important that you listen to everything. the dietitian goes into great detail about how your diet will forever change after surgery. Most patients that have gastric sleeve or bypass can no longer tolerate caffeine, sugars and fatty foods. This is not always the case but it happens quite frequently, and often times if they do eat these items they will get what is commonly referred to as "dumping syndrome". Dumping Syndrome is not something I have personally experienced yet since I am pre-op but I have been told it is something I do not want to experience. During dumping syndrome you will usually have a series of symptoms meaning more than one and it is usually caused from eating food to fast, not chewing your food good enough, or eating sugary, greasy or fatty foods you should not be eating.

Symptoms of Dumping Syndrome:

• Stomach feeling full or bloated


• diarrhea (can come on suddenly with little to no warning)


• dizziness


• rapid heart rate in your chest


• vomiting or nausea


• heart palpitations


• sweating

After getting all of your important information from your dietician you will meet with advocate she is going to go through the whole process your insurance requires in order to qualify for weight loss surgery. Every insurance company is different in what they require, a lot of insurance companies require a six month medically supervised diet to see if you can loose weight, additionally some like mine might also require you to loose 10% off your total body weight during this process. But your personal advocate is there to act on your behalf with the insurance companies because they know what the companies require and what hoops you have to jump through to get it approved.  The last person you will see that day is your surgeon you have chosen, this is a brief meeting where he will answer any questions you may have, I highly recommend coming in prepared with your questions for this meeting. By having your questions ready it will help in your decision process and also help you to be more educated and informed. At this point you will need to make a decision on whether or not you want to go for the surgery.

New Start on Lemay Ferry, in St Louis, MO is the office that I am currently going through for my surgery, I have had the advantage of being involved in two weight loss programs one at Des Peres Hospital and this one and I would highly recommend New Start. One of the benefits of the New Start office is that you have a personal advocate the whole way to walk you through the program and handle all of your insurance paperwork. The other benefit is that they offer two support groups for you at no cost, one is held on Monday nights at the office and is led by a psychologists and the second support group is lead by a dietician and is held the second and and fourth Thursday of each month. These groups not only offer you emotional and educational support at no additional charge, they also offer you a support group and new friends who have been through the WLS process or are currently going through the WLS process.

30 Days of Motivation- Day #1

 

 

Each day I will post a motivational printable! These printable s are for you to print off and enjoy! Nothing motivates sometimes like a great motivational quote and each day I will post one of my favorites that personally speaks to me and that will hopefully speak to you! Please let me know in the comments section if you enjoyed the motivational printable and if you printed it off! Enjoy our 30 days archive and you can click here to view all 30 days!

 

Awesome Songs for your Summer Playlist

One of things I have really find that helps motivates me at the gym is a good playlist. My playlist has to be something that is catchy and fun and makes me want to get up and dance or to keep going on that treadmill, because let's face it walking on a treadmill for an hour is so boring. So below is a list I have compiled of some great catchy songs you may want to add your workout playlist to help motivate you today.

• Happy by Pharrell Williams


• Roar by Katy Perry


• Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke


• Fancy by Iggy Azalea


• Just Give Me A Reason- by Pink


• Imagine Dragons- Radioactive


• Macklemore and Ryan Lewis-Can't Hold Us


• Britney Spears and Wil I Am-Scream &  Shout


• Florida Georgia Line-Cruise


• Fall Out Boy-My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark


• Maroon 5-Somebody


• Bruno Mars-Locked Out of Heaven


• Miley Cyrus-Wrecking Ball


• One Republic-Counting stars

So grab your favorite shoes, your headphones and start moving! Music is a proven way to help you get your butt moving and motivated so build your own work out playlist today!

How does ridicule help someone loose weight?

For the last twenty four hours it has been trending on social media about the darn Kardashian and West wedding happening this weekend and unfortunately the other trending topic is how Rob Kardashian has gained so much weight. The headlines have been awful calling him fat, ugly, and so much worse and this got me to thinking. How many times in my life as a obese adult had I felt that same ridicule from people whom did and did not know me.

Whether we want to admit it or not we have all been in Rob Kardashian's shoes at one point in our lives with people staring at us for being obsess or pointing fingers and snickering at us. This made me feel an overwhelming amount of compassion for Rob Kardashian, this is a kid who lives in the spotlight of his Mom and Sisters and from what I have seen wishes he didn't have to. Instead of being compassionate that Rob has put on some weight, the media crucifies and makes fun of him at every chance they get, and my question is how is that helping him?

To his own credit yesterday Rob Kardashian actually responded to the craziness going on in social media about his weight, he wrote on twitter "So i found out i was trending for being fat… thank you all it really made my day :)” Why is it in today's society we teach our kids that laughing or making fun of a handicap person is taboo and bad, but an overweight person is fair game in our society? Most people would probably not ever acknowledge this as being true, but I am sure at some point in our lives we have all been found guilty of judging someone for their size, myself included.

Recently I have read articles where it explains that skinny people will often taunt, laugh at or make fun of a obese person because the truth is they are scared of becoming obese themselves. While that may be true it is certainly not an excuse for treating someone so shameful. The bottom line the next time you see an obese person look into that person eyes and I guarantee you will see one thing, hurt a world of hurt. Never have I ever seen a obese person who wasn't masking a world of hurt behind their smiles and personalities. That person whom is overweight or obese is still a person with real feelings, and taunting, judging or making fun of them will in no way help them but instead you are hurting them and making things worse.

So while I personally hope that they get off Rob Kardashian's back and let him deal with his weight issue on his terms, and when and where he is ready. The reality is I am sure the media will hound him and try to break his spirit because that is how cruel our society has become.

 

Gastric Bypass-One Year after surgery video series

In  this episode you go on a update of how Tara is doing one year out. Tara has lost 89 pounds and she talks about her food taste and cravings have changed since surgery, she also tells how she is off all of her medications from her health issues she had prior to surgery.

Gastric Bypass-Six Weeks after Surgery Video Series

OK in this video Tara is now 6 months out from her surgery and it gives us a great update on her progress. In this series she really talks about the importance of slowing down eating, and really chewing up your food really well. That if you fail to do so your surgery does make you pay the price with the dumping syndrome. Tara also talks about how much weight she has lost in this six month period and that she is happy with her decision and would do it again.

Gastric Bypass-Ten days after Gastric Bypass Video Series

This is a great video because Tara talks about her pain level, her activity level, and what she can now eat ten days out. She also shares how she has to eat very small bites like the size of the end of a eraser on a pencial and she has to chew them very well, or else it will hurt to go down. Tara also shares how she felt well enough that she was able to go out shopping with friends on day 6 after surgery.

Gastric Bypass-Three Days After surgery video Series

This is the second video in this video series. Remember this video may not accurately dipict how surgery will effect you and your doctors orders may be diffrent. But it is a good general outline to give you and idea what you will be experiencing. This video pretty much is a just a account of how she is feeling on day 3 after surgery, her pain levels and her activity levels etc.

Gastric Bypass-Day of Surgery Video Series

I came across a great series of videos that shows a woman and her journey through gastric bypass, and if you are on the fence about having it or you are scheduled to have it you may like these videos. There is this one  that chronicles her first day then there is one three days after surgery, ten days after, six weeks after, and six months! I will share all the links here and my comments on the videos as well I hope you enjoy and that they are informative. Remember knowledge is so important so that you are confident in what you are getting yourself into.

WARNING: This video does show graphic medical video footage of what the actual surgery looks like it is less than a minute long but it is in there.

This video pretty much introduces you to Tara and it takes you through what a lapascopic gastric bypass surgery

Quick Protein Bars Recipe (All Natural!)

Ok here is another great video featuring Protein Bars but again full disclaimer my favorite part was watching him eat the protein bars with whip cream on them! OH LORD he is cute and I might even try these recipes he has a ton of them and the best part is that are chocked full of protein and low carbs and EASY to make so right up my alley! If you try these please let me know!

High Fiber and PROTEIN Fudgesicles Recipe

Ok first off disclaimer the guy in this video may be YUMMIER than the Fudgesicles just saying! LOL But seriously these looked really yummy and I wanted to share with you! If you come across a great recipe or video you think I should posts please let me know! Let the yummyiness begin!! LOL

How Being Overweight Impacts your Life

One of things I am finding out as I go along on this journey is how much being obese and overweight has effected my life for the negatitive. Deep down I knew that this was effecting my life but I am not sure I truly realized the extent of it. One of the things I tended to do is look at things through rose colored glasses, where things are not really as bad as they seem because then it is easier for me to deal with things.

The other day I was getting ready to go workout at the gym and sat down on my ottoman and grabbed my hot pink shoes and started putting on my socks and shoes, then it hit me. Somehow during this journey I was able to easily put on my shoes and socks and I didn't even notice when it became easy and not a chore. Six months ago the only shoes you would of seen in my closet would of been flip flops or slip on shoes because it was too hard to put shoes that had laces or straps on. But today I can easily reach down and put on my socks and tie my shoes, this is a huge deal to me.

Another one that I still deal with the embarrassing one when you go out to eat, you have to tell the hostess you would prefer a table because you are not able to sit in booths. That is humiliating and one I still deal with to this day, but I know soon this will no longer be an issue any further. Pushing my cart in stores use to be a big one for me, because of all the weight in my stomach I would need to cart to lean on to help support my back. Luckily I can go shopping now without the help of a cart, but for years it did not work that way. The kids would want to push the cart and I would have to say no, now I am the one telling my youngest your turn to push the cart.

Seat belts are another one, whenever I would purchase a car there was a few things I had to look for one was if the seat belt would fit me. Two was if the seat could go back far enough to allow me to drive with my big stomach in the way. Now I am happy to report that I have had to move my seat on four occasions and it will only get better the more weight I lose. Another one and one that is on my bucket list and going to our local six flags and actually being able to ride the rides. The last two times I went to Six Flags and it was years ago I would watch my kids ride all the rides and I would just sit there and watch, but my goal is by next spring we are going to do a family day at Six Flags and I plan on riding everything and then checking that off my bucket list.

 

What is your fat protecting you from?

One thing I have learned through this process is how my fat has become like a security blanket warmly wrapping around my body and essentially keeping me hidden from the world. For years I have successfully lived a life of a nomad meaning I have learned to use my fat as  weapon to not get close to anyone. It had gotten so bad that I actively go through my life not looking people in the eyes for fear that they might start a conversation with me.

Even though I hated the fact that  I was overweight, the truth was in some way it had become like a security blanket to me. What I mean by this is that I because I was fat or obese it was an easy excuse for me to not develop conversations with people and to keep people at arms length away. No matter how much we want to deny it or sugar coat it, in today's society we almost automatically judge people by their appearance. We say that we don't but the truth is, even if you don't want to we all judge people based on their looks. Because of this I used this to my advantage I figured no one would want to get know the real me, because I was overweight and my hair and make up wasn't done.

A stranger off the street looking at me just saw a "Fat, ugly, woman" who probably disgusted them, and they probably turn their heads away in disgust. The others would snicker and laugh and point their fingers to their friends in a obvious fashion. What people didn't know is that they were looking at a woman whom felt completely isolated from everyone, alone, scared, and frightened. A woman who would close her eyes at night and say a prayer to God to please let her see another day for her girl's sake. A woman who would cry all the time from the extreme loneliness she felt.

As the weight is coming off I am starting to feel like a butterfly emerging from her dusty and worn out cocoon, ready to spread her wings and explore her new world. But the other issue I am always dealing with is with each pound that comes off I am trying to really push myself to deal with all those feelings that got me here in the first place. Down the road I don't want to look back and feel regret and gain all my weight back because I did not deal with the core issues that got me here, or as I like to call them my skeletons in my closet.

After much thinking about this process and my goal of always being brutally honest with everyone I will share some of my skeletons in my closets in the future that I am dealing with. The reason I am doing this is that getting healthy and getting a healthy life back takes work, it is not all exercise and eating well it is the mental stuff that got us into that deep dark hole in the first place. It may not be pretty but the bottom line if you are overweight your fat is hiding something, whether it be your past, or secrets, or just tons of hurt. Every access pound on our body got here because we choose to eat our pain away, so each pound on our body is actually filled with our hurt and pain and tears. When we start to shed this weight it is like opening a deep wound and letting those tears out, and we have to deal with them and not by eating our feelings.

Some of my skeletons I am dealing with currently are:

• Giving a daughter up for adoption and going through this process alone with no support


• Living with an abusive alcoholic husband


• Being date raped in my early twenties


• Having a abusive mother that was verbally and emotionally abusive to me (She has since passed away)


• Losing my Mother whom I was never able to have a healthy relationship with


• Being told my whole childhood I was nothing and worthless and then marrying a man who said the same thing

Each of these things have left emotional gaping holes in who I am, and I not sharing these things to get sympathy or expect you to treat me differently. I am sharing these things to prove a point, we are all hiding a mountain of pain behind our weight and if we don't deal with it properly, it will consume us for the rest of our lives. No longer do I want to be a person who plants a fake smile on my face and then just goes through life acting like nothing bothers me, and everything is fine. From now on I want to be the person who YES had a hard life, but she is stronger because of the life I have lead.

A friend of mine recently asked me when she knew I was dealing with all the emotional stuff if I had thought of quitting that it was too hard to deal with. My answer is "No" because my whole life has been a series of me quitting things. Especially if what I was doing would somehow help me, I had always put myself last and others before me. But now slowly I am learning that I have to be selfish and put myself first, and set a example for my girls. Hopefully they see how hard I am working, and fighting to find this person I am becoming and will be proud of me.

So when you look in that mirror and you see those extra pounds you might be storing on your body, think to yourself what story do those extra pounds carry? What secrets or hurt are they hiding and not allowing you to move forward. We have to deal with the whole picture the exercise, the food and the mental health in order to truly be healthy and happy.

 

 

Not Letting Food Control You

This is one I will be working on for awhile I am sure, and that is not letting food control your life. Food is a hard addiction to give up because you need food to survive, it is not like being a drug addict or alcoholic where we could just stop our addictions cold turkey. No we have to have food to survive in this world and it is not something we can walk away from.

If we really look at our lives food is all around us from being on the internet to great recipes that are in your feed on Facebook, to great recipes on Pinterest, or how about those family get together where everyone gathers around great food dishes from your childhood. There is no way to avoid food and how it impacts everyone, but we can do is to start to deal with those triggers that help us to choose the bad food items we know we do not need like sugary foods, fast food, and fried and salty foods.

Over this six month journey I have struggled a lot with these issues myself, because if I am feeling a little down or having a bad day it is so much easier for  me to stay in my sweats at home then go to the gym. Or to order fast food or take out then actually getting off my butt and going to the kitchen to cook myself something healthy. Not going to lie I have been there and done that, and there have been days where I will stop at McDonald's for a plain grilled chicken because I just don't feel like cooking for myself, but the difference is now I will choose a healthy option that I won't feel guilty about later.

I'm tired of punishing myself for sitting down and eating a piece of cake that I shouldn't have or stopping and getting fast food that I didn't need. Now I try to really think about what I put in my body and food choices, and it is not to say I don't slip and eat something wrong occasionally. But now a days when I do fall off the wagon as they say, I get right back on and I will increase my exercise level to help counteract all those calories I digested, and I really try not to beat myself  up over my failures. Anyone that follows me on Facebook or here on my blog knows I live a very active lifestyle and I am not home alot to make all my meals, so I do tend to eat out alot or eat protein bars and shakes in between. The difference now is that I am always conscious of how those extra calories are going effect me. Try to take control over your life and when you have those bad days try to make healthy food choices if you are craving something sweet have some fruit or yogurt or if you are craving something salty have some air pop popcorn or pretzels. There is a always healthier food options to choose from that will still appease your food cravings.

Almond Joy Protein Shake Recipes

One of my most favorite candies is by far the Almond Joy, with that yummy coconut and dark milk chocolate oh I am in heaven. But with my new healthier lifestyle I don't want to eat Almond Joy for all the fat and calories, so instead we are going to take that taste and make a protein shake that will taste like a Almond Joy Protein shake. And there are several ways to make this yummy treat in a healthy fashion.

Version #1

• Small container of coconut low fat yogurt


• 1 scoop of your favorite chocolate protein shake


• half a handful of almonds


• 2-3 ice cubes


• water or low fat milk as your protein shake calls for


• Mix all of this in a blender and then you can add coconut flakes and almond flakes on top of your protein shake

Version #2

• 1 Scoop of vanilla protein shake


• big squeeze of sugar free chocolate syrup


• 8 ounces of non sweetened coconut milk


• Put into a blender and mix and and you can top off with crushed almonds and coconut flakes

 

Roasted Veggies

I have been trying to get braver when it comes to my veggies. It is not that I don't like alot of vegetables but that I did not know how to cook alot of them, so this whole eating this has been a true learning experience for me. This is a super super easy recipe and would be perfect when you are BBQ to have this as a healthy side dish.

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Almond Crusted Tilapia

I am just now learning how to cook fish and eat fish as I was never a big fish fan before. I am even planning on making my first salmon this weekend on  my own lol If it is a success I will share that recipe as well with you. Fish is an excellent source of low fat protein and something you should defiantly be including in your diet.

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Getting Prepared for Gastric Bypass Surgery Part 1

I had told everyone on my very first blog post here that I would never sugar coat this process or the surgery I was getting. There was many reasons to this choice the main reason is I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I am seeking out the help of weight loss surgery. Obviously what I have been doing over the years is not working, so to loose this weight in a quick and healthy way I am turning to the experts and seeking Gastric Bypass Surgery.

If you are not familiar with Gastric Bypass Surgery it has changed drastically over the  years, before you would have to be out of work for minimum of six weeks because it was a open incision surgery. Gastric Bypass Surgery now is done laparoscopic which means I will have small incisions on my stomach about one inch in length compared to the old operation. One of the things I knew going into this was that I had to get myself informed so I spent a lot of time online doing my research and joining online support groups to talk to patients so I could get a realistic feel for everything to do with gastric bypass.

One of the benefits of my doctors office is that they offer two support groups that are free of cost to us patients which is a god sent. The first one meets weekly and is lead by a licensed physiologist and that deals with the emotional side of this. Then twice a month we have a different support that is lead by one of two dieticians and in that one we learn all kinds of great ideas and tips on eating healthier and getting moving. So to me these were awesome resources that I wanted to soak up, by joining these groups not only did I get a few family of friends and tons of support, but I am always learning and growing which is a blessing.

Another thing I did during this six month journey was read the book "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" this was a great resource that broke down the surgery and everything that goes along with into a easy to understand language. This book helps to carry you through the before process, the surgery itself and then also what happens after surgery and how this surgery will impact the rest of your life. I highly recommend reading books on the subject it does not have to be this one, but the most important thing is that you become your own best advocate by educating yourself. One of the things you have to remember is that this not impacts your body, your mind and your soul, but it also impacts those that love you and live with you.

Over the next few weeks while I am waiting on my surgery date I want to really share with you the process I am going through currently, and what  I have already gone through so that you can see the full process. Now please understand I am not promoting or advocating that weight loss surgery is the way you should go, the bottom line is that weight loss surgery should be your last resort. You should feel like you have tried all avenues and paths first before you turn to weight loss surgery.

 

Blueberry Sorbet that is Sugar free

It is getting warmer and warmer out there and I was looking for tasty treats I could have beside fat free frozen yogurt to help replace ice cream. And found this recipe now you could also switch this up and instead of using blueberries you could use strawberries.

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I DID IT

I think the title of this blog post pretty sums up how I am feeling at this present moment. I worked hard over the last six months trying to adjust my diet, and my way of thinking and my relationship with food to get me ready for my bypass surgery. Yesterday I did my sixth weigh in and when I started this journey I was at 326 pounds and my insurance company required that I lose 10% of my body weight to qualify for surgery.

Yesterday was a crazy day I had been worried all week because the number I  had to hit was 291 on the scale and I have been fluctuating between 293-291 all week long so I was worried. One of the things I found myself trying to do all week was sabotage myself into eating fatty and sweet foods. It was ridiculous that my mind was trying to sabotage me when I had come so far, and it was so hard at times to fight off the urge to stray and just have one cupcake. So I get into my doctors office at 11:00 am at this point I have done two hours of water aerobics and I have had nothing to eat but a little of water so I could keep my weight down for the weigh in. The moment came and I stepped on that scale and it read 293 I almost passed out on the floor.

That was not an exaggeration I was so mad at myself, I had worked so hard to be sidetracked and denied over two pounds was just heartbreaking. We go into the room and I sit on the doctors exam table and I am trying to keep my composure and I feel the tears just welling up in my eyes. Then my Doctor comes in with his sweet disposition and says "So how did we do?" and it is at that moment that the damn breaks and I just break down. I tell him I failed I was two pounds too heavy, they will deny me and make me start this whole six month process all over again. After taking a moment to compose myself I felt myself staring down two roads, one was to simply give up I tried and it just didn't work and this was the road I was leaning towards. The second path was to pull up my big girl panties as  my Grandma would say and fight.

So after speaking with Doctor he suggested I go get some healthy lunch and then go work out or go the sauna and come back before they closed at 4:30 pm and try to weigh in again and see if I had lost the two pounds I needed. My first reaction was that there was no point, because the one thing I know about my body is that I gain weight throughout the day from eating and drinking so I really didn't see a point in coming back in. But not wanting to give up I decided to grab a salad and go home and grab my hot pink tennis shoes and head to the gym and fight like I have never fought before. So off to Planet Fitness I went and I worked for two solid hours and I moved between the treadmill, exercise bike, back to treadmill then to elliptical, back to treadmill, then to stair machine and finally back to treadmill. Now at this point my blood sugar is plummeting from not eating enough food, so a few small mints later I headed to my YMCA to sit in their sauna for 35 minutes fully dressed. After sweating my butt off in there I took a shower so not to kill the doctor with my sweat and headed back to the office for my second weigh in of the day.

Getting off that elevator I saw my best friend Melanie's face and I went to her desk and told her I worked hard but I might of drank too much water. She assured me it was going to be ok, so we went back to weigh in and this time we finally 291 I had lost those two pounds in 4 hours!  The overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and joy just swept through me. For most of my life I had always been a quitter I would start something and never finish. But this year alone I had lost 32 pounds, qualified for surgery and quit smoking.

This Angie did not let anyone or anything stand in her way from accomplishing her goals and this was a huge first step for me. So now I am playing the waiting game as I wait to hear from the insurance company and get a date on my surgery. This part I am told goes very quickly usually after they submit my information to the insurance it takes a week or so to get approved and then usually a week later you are having surgery. So this time in my life feels like it is a few weeks before Christmas and I am anxiously awaiting for my present, and that present is a new life. I started this journey as a 326 pound woman who never left her home, would not socialize with anyone for fear of being judged, would not exercise and lived on sodas and cigarettes. Look how far I have come in 6 months if I can do this, so can you.

Stop Saying "I can't" and Just Do It

One of my worst qualities has always being giving  up on things before I even tried them. Over and over in life I would say I can't do that or I don't like that food before I had even tried it, and what I am finding out is that because of my own insecurities I have missed out on a lot and also not pushed myself to my potential. A perfect example of how my negative attitude of "I can't" effected me was yesterday.

Around 11:00 a.m. I had a Doctor's appointment at a Sleep Clinic in my local hospital, and I have never been to this clinic before so I was not sure where it was located at within the hospital. Coming from water aerobics I found myself rushing to get there and then of course I had to park way out back because there was no parking spaces available. So as I make my way inside I stop by the information desk and ask the lady there where my Doctor's office was located only to be told it was on the far rear corner of the hospital and up two flights. My immediate reaction was "Oh my god, that is too much walking" and I turned and was getting ready to head to the parking lot to move my car to a closer parking lot. But I stopped, what would moving my car closer prove to myself?

The whole point of going on this journey of getting healthy is changing our habits, or mindset and our old bad behavior. So I put my purse on my shoulder and began power walking to the rear of the hospital. By the time I got to the elevators I am not going to lie to you I was exhausted, then I came across another dilemma do I use the elevator or go up two flights of stairs? This one took some serious debate because stairs are rough on my knees, but I choose to walk up those steps and even though I was five minutes later for my appointment I was so proud of myself.

The best part came when the nurse put me on the scale and I saw the number staring back at me, 291 that was amazing because I started out at 326 and this meant I loss enough weight to qualify for surgery. Immediately I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as the nurse looked up at me worried she had done something wrong, I had to explain to her how hard I had been working to loose weight and start down a road to a healthier life.

Another perfect example of my "I can't" effecting me this week was Monday night at Zumba class our instructor Katie was showing us the steps the next song and one of the steps was to kick our legs out the side straight and high eight times. Then kick out legs out behind us in a straight leg fashion eight times, and you have to do this really fast for anyone familiar with Zumba. My first reaction was panic that was no way I would be able to do that, but guess what I was able to do that and it was hard and we did it three times. When the song was over I just looked at my reflection in the mirror covered in sweat and said "You Go Girl!"  There is no better feeling in the world than when you silence that negative critic in your own head, we have to try and not let that hold us back anymore. When you get that urge to say "I can't" instead turn that into "I will try".